


Embrace The Bad (Because It's Good)

by Roxie Ann (pluvial_poetry)



Category: Saved! (2004)
Genre: F/M, Yuletide 2008
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-17
Updated: 2008-12-17
Packaged: 2018-01-25 07:53:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1639958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pluvial_poetry/pseuds/Roxie%20Ann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a hard habit to break. Roland had a lot of them.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Embrace The Bad (Because It's Good)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ViolaCoye](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViolaCoye/gifts).



 

 

Cassandra found herself in New York City after high school. Roland would have followed her there but he was still working on that independent thing. Being with a girl because he wanted her, not because he needed her. It was a hard habit to break. Roland had a lot of them.

\--- 

They used to skip classes at American Eagle. It was mostly Cassandra's idea then. She got bored during math. And science and history. And usually American Lit. too. She would take Roland to the cafe downtown and if she flashed the guy at the counter, they would get free coffee and croissants. Or they would end up at the mall and Roland would use Hilary Faye's "secret rainy day" money to buy pizza. Maybe they'd sneak into a movie later because no one stopped a guy in a wheelchair. Especially if Cassandra whispered as they passed the ushers that they were just switching theaters because Roland had lost control of his bladder and was too embarrassed to go back into the same movie. Wasn't it terrible? Poor dear.

Sometimes Roland would still skip classes in college, even if Cassandra would think it was a waste of time. If it didn't piss anyone off or get their attention, then there wasn't much fun in it. But Roland didn't exactly do it for fun, especially now that he was alone.

He liked taking the time to think. He'd sit in the courtyards and watch people walk past him. Maybe he thought too much, but that's kinda what college is for. He still didn't know what he would do after graduation, he didn't know where he would go. He'd never had to plan before. Ever since he was nine his life had been set out for him. Or so he'd thought. Cassandra taught him to do what made him happy and go with the flow. He didn't know where the flow would take him now. He could guess that it would lead him back to Cassandra. Most things did.

\---

He couldn't say that Hilary Faye had learned much from their senior year. And maybe Roland hadn't either because he hadn't stopped talking to her. He still felt grateful to her for finding him when he fell out of that tree. And kinda guilty, for not feeling more grateful. Or maybe he still talked to her because she was his little sister and in their own dysfunctional way they loved each other. Or something like that.

Hilary Faye still spoke to Cassandra too. At least, she tried. She sent long letters to her about the joys of accepting Christ into your heart. And Cassandra would scribble graphic pictures on the letters before sending them back. 

To Hilary's credit, the rage blackouts didn't seem to last as long as they used to. But she wouldn't give up. Not on Cassandra, not on him. She was going to save them whether they liked it or not. 

The thing is, is that Roland didn't think he needed to be saved. He and Cassandra had already saved themselves, saved each other. He probably wouldn't tell Hilary Faye that. She'd have an aneurysm. He would save that for when he really needed it.

\---

Roland still smoked too much. He's not sure how long teenage rebellion is supposed to last. Cassandra had only smoked because it annoyed her parents. Roland smoked because he could. He drove a car because he could and broke the rules because he could. Because Cassandra showed him how. 

They smoked a whole pack together the night before she left for Sarah Lawrence. She snuck into his bedroom. She used the tree outside of his window. She said as soon as they made handicap assistance for tree climbing she would have one installed in the tree next to her bedroom window and then he could come to her.

She flopped into bed with him, and played with his hair. They lit cigarette after cigarette, and dropped the stubs into a water bottle he left on his night stand. They didn't talk much. When her pack was empty, she kissed him. They both tasted like smoke and neither of them cared. It was a reminder of everything they'd shared.

In her letters, Cassandra would say that she was trying to quit. Roland just couldn't yet. 

\---

Back when they first met, Cassandra used to say that he had a height advantage on peeping. He would say that the view was one of the many advantages of his wheels. 

Cassandra had legs for days. He had to appreciate that. Just from an objective point of view. He thought a lot about legs, in general. She had great ones. And if more often than not she wouldn't be wearing anything under those short skirts, who could blame him for noticing? He still noticed.

The cheerleading squad would pass by the student union on their way to practice. And sometimes, especially on windy days, the view from where he sat was nothing short of spectacular. So he looked.

Cassandra would have smacked him. And then she would have smirked and pretended that she didn't see him when he looked again.

\---

Roland missed Cassandra. Speaking on the phone and chatting online weren't as good as seeing her face when she told stories about harassing the teaching assistants with questions that were way above their heads. It definitely wasn't as good as being able to press his lips against her slim neck and breathe in the smell of her cigarettes and shampoo. He wondered if Cassandra missed him that much. If she thought about his laugh and his hands on her legs.

It could be considered another bad habit. Maybe he'd crossed the line from missing her to obsessing. And surprisingly, that thought wasn't a problem for him. 

Maybe these weren't bad habits that needed to be broken. Maybe he could just embrace them. Because that's what he wanted. And he finally knew what he wanted next. A ticket to New York City. Finding the person he wanted to be with, and being with her. If Cassandra was the reason for all of his bad habits, he'd just have to embrace her too.

 


End file.
